Whoa. This exploration into trust began because I ardently want to live and love better. I want to have more fluency of allowing and acres more tenderness and generosity.
In her recipe for building trust, called BRAVING, Brene Brown suggests Non judgement because judgement kills empathy. She suggests asking why we’re judgeing something, as a way of piercing the shroud.
When I peer back through my Judgement laden history I find that the times I got hot and heavy about pronouncing someone or something Terrible and Terribly Wrong, were also the times I was being challenged emotionally and didn’t know how to move the energy safely or honestly forward. So I stagnated out and threw mud with judgement. It’s kind of like throwing a childish fit. It disperses the energy temporarily, but it had so many crappy consequences that it’s not worth the temporary relief.
“We tend to judge others in areas where we feel most vulnerable or not good enough. If I’m constantly worried about being a great mother, I might be quicker to look down on another mom who misses the school play. When a colleague recently rescheduled a meeting for the second time, I found myself rolling my eyes; I had no compassion to extend, because I was still beating myself up for flaking on a work event the week before. In these moments, we take unconscious refuge in the thought, “At least I’m better than someone.” - Brene Brown
When I judge someone instead of turning toward and conversing with the feelings of vulnerability and inadequacy that may be coming up, I cheat myself of an opportunity for genuine experience, which we’re all crazy thirsty for more of.
I remember a moment in highschool, where I was wearing an arsenal of make up and fancy clothes and was waiting in an alcove for the rain to let up so I could get to the other building when I saw him. This small boy named Peter, standing with his face to the rain, his bag dropped to the rain drenched courtyard, his arms held wide. There was no one around. He wasn’t doing this to garner approval or for anything other than to meet Experience exactly where his unique life was intersecting with it. I stayed dry, and judged him as crazy and show offy because I was so wildly uncomfortable with my dependence on my arsenal of make up and the way it was a prison. Now I can’t imagine what in the world would keep me from standing with him in the pure driven rain.
So much of our lives we’re hidden behind an arsenal of rigid judgements, this is right, this is wrong, this is too this or too that or not enough that. This sense of hiddenness and protection creates an atmosphere where the activated vibration we emit is clustered around fear, worry and disatisfaction.
This next week I’m going to take Brene’s dare to do a judgement free week, not to judge less, but to give some space to experience myself beyond that habit and to see who I am when I spend less time protecting myself against the very beautiful life I’m working so hard to let in.
Want to dare greatly and join me?
Check out the last post in this series or the next one